it's easier for me to be depressed than happy. Sad but true.
A lot of the decisions I made in the past come back to haunt me around this time of the year. It also doesn't help that whatever happened to her happened around now.
But all that is another story. The one I want to tell now is my search for peace.
Life sucks...in the worst of ways. That's true.
Life is a beautiful experience. That's true too.
A lot of times...most of the worst times/experiences in my life are based on or around people. The kind of people I choose to surround myself with.
They always said 'show me your friends and i'll tell you who you are"..and this true to some extent. What they forget to take into consideration is...what about a man without friends?
They also say not to expect so much of people...that eventually you'll just be saddened. But how do you really and truly love someone and not expect so much of them?
'To he whom much is giving, much is expected' that's true too!
Do you see my dilemma?
It would seem as though life is full of contradictions and so on. It would seem as though everything John Milton said about God in that movie 'The Devil's Advocate' was true. But as someone once thought me to think...
"believe that...and you'll believe ANYTHING. I think so too.
Love hurts. Unrequited love is the most painful torment a heart can go through...I think.
And when then receptacle of those emotions doesn't even notice you...or even know you exist...or doesn't care about you one way or the other...
That's the 'fate worse than death' I hear tell of.
How do you heal?
Not the easiest thing I tell you.
But...it has to be done.
So to you...my ex-sweet(s)...I'm moving on. It does hurt; because we shared something I'm sure I cannot find with any other person (there's only one you after all)...but I have to go or I'll die. Seriously.
Don't get it twisted though...I'll always cherish does memories. Always. And maybe when we run into each other at a party...a show...on tv...we'll smile and hug...each ask how the other's doing. And then go our separate ways because you came with your crew and I came with mine.
Ah. Don't even show the new guy off to me. I'm not sure I can handle that yet. But if you have to...do it gently, okay? Whatever else you think I am...I'm human first.
I won't look back this time. I promise.
No matter what. This time, God helping me...it's for keeps. For real.