Thursday, December 15, 2011

Romantic Writers of West Africa December Book Bonanza

Just so you know, I am a member of the above association.

Yes I know; isn't it...wonderful?!

Anyways, these wonderful people have come together to give you; the reader an incredible Christmas package - one you will not forget in a hurry.

How to get involved? Just click on the link and follow the instructions!!!!

We await you!!!!!

Tuesday, December 13, 2011


I have to be honest. I love DMX.

And I'm not saying 'no homo'. Make whatever you will of that.

Of course, you know I mean DMX the rapper. His distinct voice, that dog like growl, the way he puts his opinions down...those are a bit of the things that make him unique.

Also...let's not forget the former aptitude for jail term and legal trouble...having spent most of the last five years or so (I think) going from one jail into another. But that's not why I'm writing this.

A lot of people describe DMX as 'confused' or 'battled by demons (aren't we all)' and a few other colorful monikers over the years...due to his lyrics...album art and even aggresive nature. And while I agree with some of the tags, I feel like people miss the point.

My personal reason why DMX remains one of my top 5 rappers dead or live is because he's so introspective....thoughtful and lucid.

Anyone who knows me and reads this blog would know those are; at least, qualities we share.

A lot of DMX's lines, songs and lyrics inspire me, but probably my greatest reference to his work would be a line in the seventh track on his first album...It's Dark and Hell Is Hot - the track titled 'Let Me Fly'.

The lyrics I'm talking go thus:

be like what of his birth
Was a miscarriage and I never existed
Have I given something that have been taken away you
would of missed it
Didn't know, did I persisted?
It was the call of the wild
I'm here to say what's in my heart, and you call it a style
Don't put it in the cage, don't mistreat it
You say you hunger for knowledge, here it is eat it
Another song completed is another thought captured

I keep thinking; mostly of those lines "What if his birth/was a miscarriage/and he never existed/has he given something that if taken away/you'd have missed it/"

Has he?

Have I?

Ultimately I believe in God; which means I believe in a grand design and all that stuff.

Which means I am concerned with my significance; if any.

Do I have any purpose? Am I fulfilling my purpose?

If I did not exist; would you miss me?

IF YOU did not exist; would anyone miss you?

Some Big Mac/KFC largest-bucket size food for thought...

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Sunday. is...I'm just sitting here wondering what to write.

No. That's not right.

I'm sitting here writing. I'm just wondering if what I'm writing is something you would like to read.
As much as this is some kind of diary for me, I must also realize that I can't just put everything out there. Things like this/that have a way of coming back to take a huge bite out of one's behind.

So...what am I rambling about now?

I don't know. I feel like I'm at a crossroads...which is usually the state of things with me. It's strange that sometimes I see where I'm headed so clearly...and then sometimes I see NOTHING. I start to wonder if I know what I'm doing...I start feeling these feelings of inadequacy - feelings of self-doubt and so on.

I start to ask myself - what if I'm wrong?

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Honest Love Letter

Dear Owner,
I'm so lucky I'm your BlackBerry!

You hold me with both hands as gently as you can.

You ensure that I am always with you.

If I fall you are always afraid of me hurting myself. I always have your undivided attention, you get upset if others disturb our time together.

You never forget me in a taxi & you won't give me to just anyone unlike my old friends Nokia, Sony and Samsung that you would proudly just hand over.

When you eat, I'm beside you. When you're on the toilet seat, I'm with you. When you're sleeping, my head is by your pillow.

When I scream, you rush and pick me like an egg.

When I feel low, you make every effort to recharge my battery. When I am hungry, you fill me with airtime. You buy me all sorts of clothes to cover my precious skin. And if I make you feel like a cowboy you strap me to your waist or jeans.

Every month you ensure that you set aside the money, to buy me bundles (of love).

You upgraded to me from my friends Nokia, Sony and Samsung; and then upgraded me to a Curve, Bold & Torch.

You rush home from work and spend quality time with me; not really bothered to make a conversation with those at home.

You sit up with me for hours and smile at me, yet I have no human emotions; sometimes I make you laugh; people think you are mad. I watch your wife/hubby or your lovers who envy our time together.

But dear, I appeal to you.

Your life is wasted because of me. Take some time, leave me aside and sort out issues that are important to you because I may love you as much as you do love me but I'm just a blackberry, nothing more!.

Kind Pings,
Your BlackBerry.

Copied from Raymond Elenwoke's FB status

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Amy Winehouse. Life & Death.

This post is premature. I agree.

But better late than never...right?

Amy Winehouse died on my birthday. Yep. That's right.

July 23rd.

Cause of death was inconclusive...that is; till a few minutes/hours ago.
According to YahooNews...she died of alcohol poisoning. They said her body contained five times...or read the more accurate quote " the level in her blood put her more than five times over the legal drunk-driving limit".

Now I was a fan of her music...but not a fan of the fact that she flaunted the fact that she was an addict in some very strong senses of the word. Now a lot of people are going to go ballistic on me for what I just said...but I really don't give a hoot..BECAUSE I'm not here to make friends. I'm here to share my opinions. That's why it's MY BLOG. You don't have to like it. Go and write yours.

Now typically, the day she died, a lot of people got emotional and angry and judgemental. Fine, it's wrong to judge. NOBODY has the right to judge another person...not EVEN the people who are names as judges. You don't have the right. Pure and simple. Are you any better?

But I also believe in reality. And reality, in AMy's case was: she was an addict. And she was proud of it. You don't have to believe me. Just listen to that 'hit' single Rehab. and the come back and share what you learnt.

We all have demons. But the thing that annoys me about a lot of us is that in the bid of trying to justify our bullshit we come up with that phrase Tuface made popular 'Nobody Holy Pass'. SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Pardon my french.

This is what I'm saying. The fact that you/we shouldn't judge does not mean we should not call a spade a spade. Just because you steal and I'm a porn addict does not mean I'm better than you...neither does it mean stealing is more heinous a crime than being addicted to why glorify it???

That phrase 'Nobody Holy Pass' annoys the shit out of me...because I've seen a lot of people keep quiet over stuff they know to be wrong because of it. My opinion. I drink raw spirits...I like drinking raw spirits...but I KNOW It's not good for me, and so therefore I'm fighting a winning war to stop. But in the meantime...should I keep quiet about it?

I love Amy Winehouse. I miss her. I think she was mind and body. Her voice was a honest and sincere one...and I have been a fan since I heard rehab...NOT because I particularly care about the song, but it was the singing that did it for me. And of course, It does not hurt that she shares birthdays with my favorite rapper (a little trivia for y'all!).

I miss her...and I hope she finds peace in death.

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Serenity; Or Something Close.

it's easier for me to be depressed than happy. Sad but true.

A lot of the decisions I made in the past come back to haunt me around this time of the year. It also doesn't help that whatever happened to her happened around now.

But all that is another story. The one I want to tell now is my search for peace.

Life the worst of ways. That's true.

Life is a beautiful experience. That's true too.

A lot of times...most of the worst times/experiences in my life are based on or around people. The kind of people I choose to surround myself with.

They always said 'show me your friends and i'll tell you who you are"..and this true to some extent. What they forget to take into consideration is...what about a man without friends?

They also say not to expect so much of people...that eventually you'll just be saddened. But how do you really and truly love someone and not expect so much of them?
'To he whom much is giving, much is expected' that's true too!

Do you see my dilemma?

It would seem as though life is full of contradictions and so on. It would seem as though everything John Milton said about God in that movie 'The Devil's Advocate' was true. But as someone once thought me to think...

"believe that...and you'll believe ANYTHING. I think so too.

Love hurts. Unrequited love is the most painful torment a heart can go through...I think.
And when then receptacle of those emotions doesn't even notice you...or even know you exist...or doesn't care about you one way or the other...

That's the 'fate worse than death' I hear tell of.

How do you heal?

Not the easiest thing I tell you. has to be done.

So to ex-sweet(s)...I'm moving on. It does hurt; because we shared something I'm sure I cannot find with any other person (there's only one you after all)...but I have to go or I'll die. Seriously.

Don't get it twisted though...I'll always cherish does memories. Always. And maybe when we run into each other at a party...a show...on tv...we'll smile and hug...each ask how the other's doing. And then go our separate ways because you came with your crew and I came with mine.

Ah. Don't even show the new guy off to me. I'm not sure I can handle that yet. But if you have it gently, okay? Whatever else you think I am...I'm human first.


I won't look back this time. I promise.

No matter what. This time, God helping's for keeps. For real.


A Sign Of The Times.

Things don' change.

That's the name of a track submitted to me by a Nigerian artist for review and polishing. I felt flattered...but that's not what this is about.

I just thought it...well, interesting that just after this great country of ours became 51years's still as developed as a nine year old. It's just...well..


Some writer wrote a piece on Lagos state..about how we live fake lives and are too concerned about appearances and not what really counts.
How it's easier than it looks to bring a spa to Nigeria..and harder than it looks to build a transformer; how there are tons of cars but the roads are something else; how we all use the latest phones but don't have access to 24hr electricity. Or words to that effect.

Well. I know it is stale news and what not...but honestly it saddens and depresses me when it seems as though someone has to come from somewhere and paint a morbid picture of our reality for us. I people are pretty absorbent, they have to move on else lose their minds in this insanity of a life...but for HOW LONG?! That is the question.

Will things ever change? yet another one.

I don't know. But I do know this: till we get tired of things, they have NO reason to change. That's a fact. I should be one to talk. What am I doing about it?!

Shebi I don blog now. That's something. And I'm telling that artist that his work is the best I've heard in a while. That he should keep going; he'll get there.

The NY Times reporter ended by telling a story about a visit he paid to a Nigerian beach and a man approached them to ask for though the beach was his; not nigeria's.

Well, I think it's time to take our beach back.

At least I wrote this. What are you going to do?

Wednesday, September 28, 2011



I am being challenged within an inch of my creativity.

I'm reading a book right now; Gadsby, a 5000 thousand word book; a book written in 1939 by a gentleman named Ernest Vincent Wright. It's a short story or novella; whichever one applies, and the most incredible, mouth-hanging-open, jaw-dropping, stunning part of the whole story is...HE WROTE THE ENTIRE THING WITHOUT USING THE LETTER 'E'.

Of course, the letter pops up a few times but ONLY in the introduction; which explains how and why he did it. The man actually tied down the letter 'e' on his traditional typewriter so that the letter would not pop up mistakenly.

This art is called 'lipogramming'...under the larger umbrella of 'constrained writing'.

I'm impressed.

And I'm challenged.

Anybody who follows my writing would have observed that I try to do new things; not conform to any law or structure or form of writing...and therefore I am now inspired and challenged to create my own lipogram/constrained writing opus.

I am going to pursue this challenge/goal I have set for myself; and hopefully inspire others to also try and reach farther than they ever thought possible. Because you see, of what use is living if we refuse to leave our conform/comfort zones?

I would also like to think that this sums up my life; doing/trying new things...always trying to reach farther than I did the last time. Of course; with God's help.

You never know till you try. Aim for the next gallaxy. If you miss, you'll end up in THIS gallaxy, but amongst it's stars. That's what I believe.

What do you believe?

Monday, September 26, 2011



I hope that does not sound cocky. I'm just grateful for the privilege.

Just like everyone else...if I count the number of 'close shaves' I've had (and I'm not talking about those ones involving overskilled barbers), I should be hairless by now. Real.

But seriously...God is faithful. I just want to say that.

A lot of times I feel dead...especially when I've used enough barbiturates to drown out the noise of a stampeding herd of elephants. I'm floating..right, but I still feel so connected to everything. And then it all shuts out...and all I hear is a pleasant buzzing sound.

Sometimes...I just want to escape.

And too many do that, I do some really thoughtless things.

But I did not come here today to depress you or make you feel sorry for me. I hate pity. As far as I'm concerned, it's the weakest and lamest emotion in existence. Moving on...

So i was saying...I'm alive today because God is.

I'm no better than the countless number of people who die everyday...and it's not like they offended God or nothing like that. These things just are. And like I said above; I'm grateful.

I remember Bruce Almighty; Jim Carey. At the end after he had been hit by a truck and woke up in the hospital. I remember what the doctor said;

"Bruce? Bruce? You're lucky to be alive, man. Someone up there must like you." Or words to that effect.

Have you ever felt like that?

And did you ever stop; I mean, just take a moment to appreciate that person who just 'likes' you...for no reason at all?

And apart from just thanking Him...did you ever think to try and find out excatly WHY He still keeps you around, despite it all?

I'm grateful (I know; i'm trying to get you to like the word), because slowly but surely and more definitely, I'm watching my dreams...dreams as old as I am; dreams older than I am actually become reality.

All because HE choose to keep me alive.

Do you live a life of purpose? Do you live a life of service?

Why are you...ALIVE?

Monday, September 19, 2011


I know. Now someone wants to kick my head in because I dared call rape an 'irrelevant' issue. Why not? Can I not say what I like?

I mean...a woman can blame a fellow woman for being raped and I cannot say rape is irrelevant? Get real.

After all...if the governor of Abia State and the ABSU counsellor said it was all lies (despite the video and reactions)..if they could be so high-handed about it, why can I not say some stupid shit?

The ABSU counsellor actually said the students are NOT his. Smart man. Bet he's one of those men who actually use 90% of their brain capacity; and therefore knows every student of his school by sight, name AND matric number.

Why ABSU of all schools?!?!

In case you just fell from MARS, the 'rape' I'm talking about would be the August rape of a woman by five 'students' of Abia State University, Nigeria...who had the guts to record and release the video online.

For details:

After all...I'm a man and rape does not affect me. Unfortunately, as retarded as I am, I have conveniently forgotten that I have a sister.

Oops, sorry. Several sisters. Sisters I love so much. Like Gretel. And Abby. And Chinwe. And Uche. And Bimpe. And Bola. many others.

Wetin concern me? Na me say make dem miswaka ni?!

Abegi jo!!!!!

I just realised that people are incredibly daftly creative (that would be an oxymoron for intelligently retarded) a great governor saying such a saddening thing is the work of his 'political detractors'. How could he have thought that up? I would think that his political detractors would think rape is a small fry for bringing down a governor...or are the bomb blasts and all that other 'creative' stuff only reserved for the president?

I'm just saying.

And all those people like me...wey ovasabi (over mumu actually), talking all sorts of nonsense on twitter and other 'social networks'...I just remember say animals plenty wey look like human beings. In the words of Fela...'animal in human skin'.

I am one of those people who think rape is boring. I mean...why force someone to give something to you if you can simply ask for it?

But of course...I'm not into domination (except it's dominating my laziness) so therefore I really can't judge people by what gets them off. But if what gets you off is against/threatens someone else's safety, isn't there/shouldn't there be some sort of law against that?

But again, what do I know? I'm just a retarded writer who does not care about issues until they directly affect him.

Shout out to all you fellow retards out there. May you not learn the worst way that you need to smarten the fuck up or shut the fuck down.

Monday, August 29, 2011


I’m a sinner; a liar and a thief
Matter of fact the truth is I’m a hypocrite
I do whatever I want to; knowing the opposite is right,
But I do it anyway, and don’t feel contrite.

Yeah I pray; when I remembered to that is,
And I always prayed only for the things I need
Seriously, who gives a hoot about world peace?
If I can’t make money from it, definitely not me!

I stole money from friends, relatives even enemies
If you weren’t useful you couldn’t be a ‘friend’ to me
When I smiled at you, it was for my advantage
Never did no favors if I could see nothing to gain

Was ‘friends’ with prostitutes but not the Jesus way,
But because the sex was cheaper that way
And really every time I did it I felt so grey
But I had smothered my conscience, it had nothing to say

I embraced envy, jealousy, greed and strife
Lust; sleeping with her though she was not my wife
Lost; I wandered back and forth in the rain
Find the way home I would, and then intentionally get lost again

Went to church; never did that because of the girls,
But because of the words the pastor said
But the more I went the lonelier I became
Left adrift in my sea of sin and shame

Tossed back and forth; because I had no cause
No purpose; seemed to me I was cursed
The storm got worse, the rain slashed fiercely down
Suicide became an option; since I was going to drown

Then I raised my voice and screamed for help
Praying to be delivered from the depths of hell
For my life boat just to make it over the next swell
For anything at all that would give me rest

It did come, but not at all what you’d expect
No flashing lights or sirens, no special effects
It did not even bother to announcing itself to me
I just suddenly found that all was still

Around me there was a calming presence, sure and true
Did not feel like anything I knew, through and through
I said ‘thanks’ and leaned back, to enjoy again
I saw the pain in His eyes and He began to leave

“Don’t go! I still need you around;
“The storm will come again; how will I make it to ground?”
He smiled. ‘It’s your choice really. Ask me to stay and I will;
Just don’t struggle with me for control of the wheel.”

This is a message for me as much as for you,
Nothing gives peace like Jesus I know that to be true
So when I find myself stuck; with my life afloat
I know its ‘cos I don’t have Jesus in my boat.


Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Hansel and ...

Dark clouds in the morning don’t always mean rain

It may mean the sun just wasn’t up early today

Because it’s hard to keep shinning when people complain

When people refuse to see all you illuminate

You bring warmth; all they feel is heat

You bring honesty; they say you should be more discreet

It’s really lonely being you sometimes

They can’t see how much of an effort it takes to smile

Don’t worry; forget the cliche, it’ll all be fine

Through the good and bad; keep your hand in mine

Maybe this ‘evil stepmother’ of a life let you out

But be sure I’m here holding your hand; no doubt

Sometimes there may be no breadcrumbs in sight

And the little left all swallowed up by night

But be sure; I’m here holding on to what you have

You can smile; we’ll get home no matter where we are

Have your back…always.

written for the usual suspect