ALIVE II

IT IS AMAZING TO THINK THAT DESPITE EVERYTHING I'VE DONE..GOD STILL KEEPS ME ALIVE.

I hope that does not sound cocky. I'm just grateful for the privilege.

Just like everyone else...if I count the number of 'close shaves' I've had (and I'm not talking about those ones involving overskilled barbers), I should be hairless by now. Real.

But seriously...God is faithful. I just want to say that.

A lot of times I feel dead...especially when I've used enough barbiturates to drown out the noise of a stampeding herd of elephants. I'm floating..right, but I still feel so connected to everything. And then it all shuts out...and all I hear is a pleasant buzzing sound.

Sometimes...I just want to escape.

And too many times...to do that, I do some really thoughtless things.

But I did not come here today to depress you or make you feel sorry for me. I hate pity. As far as I'm concerned, it's the weakest and lamest emotion in existence. Moving on...

So i was saying...I'm alive today because God is.

I'm no better than the countless number of people who die everyday...and it's not like they offended God or nothing like that. These things just are. And like I said above; I'm grateful.

I remember Bruce Almighty; Jim Carey. At the end after he had been hit by a truck and woke up in the hospital. I remember what the doctor said;

"Bruce? Bruce? You're lucky to be alive, man. Someone up there must like you." Or words to that effect.

Have you ever felt like that?

And did you ever stop; I mean, just take a moment to appreciate that person who just 'likes' you...for no reason at all?

And apart from just thanking Him...did you ever think to try and find out excatly WHY He still keeps you around, despite it all?

I'm grateful (I know; i'm trying to get you to like the word), because slowly but surely and more definitely, I'm watching my dreams...dreams as old as I am; dreams older than I am actually become reality.

All because HE choose to keep me alive.

Do you live a life of purpose? Do you live a life of service?

Why are you...ALIVE?